Monday, February 12, 2007

Glossary of Terms

The Blazers Blog Glossary of Terms, it's been a long time in the making, mostly due to general laziness, but here it is. The list will continue to expand at all times, hopefully The Other Guy (more on this in a minute) will figure out a way to link to it over on the right hand side. Some of these are ours, some are from elsewhere just to clear things up. Starting with some of the more relevant and current terms:

The All Star: Jamaal Magloire, when he was acquired by the Blazers every newspaper report, press conference, and still most of the time it seems as if the Blazers broadcast team is being strictly told to refer to him as "All Star Center Jamaal Magloire".

The Marcus: LaMarcus Aldridge, just translating his name to make things easier on everyone.

Johnny Dixon: See LaMarcus Aldridge.

Subterfuge Stevie: Steve Patterson, Blazer GM, President, Emperor, whatever he's calling himself, might as well name himself the King of Scotland while he's at it. Anyway, not our favorite guy and the only one to be on this list twice, he likes to bully people and whenever a story broke that was not positive in nature he liked to say that the story was "filled with subterfuge and innuendo." Then of course within the next couple days it comes out that the story was true and it's just Stevie that's a liar and a jerk.

Pulling a PatterNash: The systematic destruction of a franchise. Patterson and Nash took over the franchise, proceeded to end the 22 straight playoff years, and took them to the worst record in the league in just 3 years, fairly impressive really. Some in Boston might call this "Pulling an Ainge" at this point.

Martell Person: Basically just Martell Webster but since he plays exactly like Wes Person, only younger, he's been called this from time to time.

The Other Guy: The nameless Moderator of this board, and no he's not me.

The Savior: Brandon Roy, looks to be the one to lead us out of the dark times, our first truly elite perimeter player since Drexler.

Spanish Chocolate, Spanish Fly, Spanish Magician: Sergio Rodriguez, basically pick a nickname that starts with "Spanish" and you've got him. I almost think we should call him the Spanish Deon Sanders or the Spanish Apollo Creed because of this development, could happen.

Flo Hartenstein Status: When a player is a token starter, although he only plays the first 6 minutes of the game. Also has duel meaning, can refer to when a player plays 20+ minutes while collecting 0 points, 0 rebounds, 0 assists, and 0 turnovers. Basically out for an evening jog.

Mo Mo The Clown: Former coach of the Blazers, Mo Cheeks, who was without a doubt the worst basketball coach I've ever seen. No plays on offense, no adjustments on defense, botched 2 for 1's, no time outs ever at the end of the games, just dreadful in every way. However, he was a great guy, famously saved that little girl when she was choking the Anthem, which got him another two years on his contract. I wish I made that up.

Kevin Shrute Pritchard: During the corporate restructuring that somehow ended up with Subterfuge Stevie naming himself GM, he elevated Pritchard to Assistant to the General Manager, or like Dwight K. Shrute, Assistant to the Regional Manager. Can also be listed as "Kevin Pritchard, ARM"

I'll Sue: Refers to whoever got punked in a fight, goes back to when Ha got hit by one of our random Euro's a few years back, yelled "I'll Sue, I'll Sue" at him, and then proceeded to go get a stick and chase him around with it.

PER: Player Efficiency Rating, stat created by John Hollinger, now over at, judging every player against everyone else at his position individually on their overall efficiency.

Vulcan: Not our term, just seems like a good time to point out that the owner of the team and multi-billionaire, Paul Allen, named the company that handles his finances after the planet that Spock is from.

Agent Zero: Gilbert Arenas, complete raving lunatic, one of our favorite players in the league.

NOOCH: The New Orleans Oklahoma City Hornets

The Black Mamba: Kobe, everyone should know this.

Bullets: The one true name of the Washington franchise, they are not referred to as anything other than the Washington Bullets on this site.

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